Humorous in tone, this goodbye letter to parents from a graduating student lists the benefits of departure.
I've lived here for 18 interesting years, during which time we've had some good and bad times, as well as the occasional awkward moment. Now it's time for me to leave the nest. It needn't be sad. Let's reflect instead on the good things that will come from this goodbye.
10. You won't have to do my laundry anymore. (Except you totally will. I'll save it up and bring it home every two weeks.)
9. You won't have to worry about where I am every night after 11 o'clock. (Except I know you and you will not only worry, but will probably call to check up every half hour.)
8. You won't have to buy food for me. (So let's do some grocery shopping now, just so I have some stuff to take with me, right? You wouldn't want your baby to starve.)
7. Now we can walk around in our underwear without embarrassing each other. (Don't picture that and I'll try not to either.)
6. I'll no longer wake you up with my loud music late at night. (Hopefully.)
5. I'll have to clean up my own messes. (Except I won't. When you visit you may find yourself compelled to do it for me, and that's okay.)
4. You'll have the TV all to yourself. (But it won't distract you from the new and crushing loneliness.)
3. You'll have no one to fight with but each other. (Invest in counseling now.)
2. You no longer have to spend your money on me. (I mean, unless you want to. I'll pretend to refuse for at least the first fifteen seconds.)
1. You won't miss me for at least a month. (I'll visit next weekend.)
