This mass goodbye letter from staff, friends, or students is written in a humorous style.
Dear {Recipient},
So you thought you'd get away from us that easily, did you? Sure, you {got a new job, got married, relocated to another city, etc.}, but we're everywhere. And we will find you.
It was really nice of you to just go and leave us all behind here, like we could possibly survive without you around. Without you, who will {something the person used to do often, like making the coffee, picking up donuts, etc.}? Do you not understand what your role here was?
We can now see exactly what we meant to you, since you're so willing to leave so quickly for {the love of his/her life, a much better job, great house somewhere, etc.}. Who wants that? Didn't you think about us at all before
making this incredibly selfish decision?
Fine, fine. We get it. Greener pastures and all. Just promise you'll think about us once in a while, okay? That's all we ask.
Well, that and {something funny, like the phone number to her new love's brother/sister, a contact at the new job, room and board at the new house, etc.} .
Resenting you,
{Sender}
